I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
