just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
