my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
