if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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