ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
