Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
