remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
