not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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