he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
