yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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