saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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