I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
