I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
