Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
