Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
