Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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