Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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