Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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