i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Randomize
