so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
