It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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