Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
