Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
