I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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