I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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