i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
