every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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