I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
