I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
