took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
