Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
soo... how was my night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
