I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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