god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
