I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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