I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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