We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
