If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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