We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
