Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
