Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize