I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
