I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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