Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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