would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
