My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
