Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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