you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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