i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize