Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
