oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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