Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
