there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
