We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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