currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
