I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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