if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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