i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
