I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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