she smelled like a LAN party
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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