Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
