why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
