He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
