By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
