I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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