i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
