yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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