about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
