Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
