Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
