wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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