everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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