The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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