Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
