I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my being single is dangerous.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
