And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
