so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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