Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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