Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
